The Cat Ate My Loafers
by Cant Stop The Rock
Summary: CDs in a batshaped toast rack, a four hundred year old castle with wide screen TV, zombie parrots and mugs of coffee... Modern times call for modern measures as we join a family of vampires just wanting to fit in.


_A dark age is coming to this earth. The people, they sense it, its dark tendrils engulfing nation after nation. Creatures are emerging from the darkness, crawling from the dark abyss that for so many thousands of years they had called home. Across the globe, in cities, villas, towns, even hovels and caves, citizens of the darkness come forth, shedding their human disguises, intent on-  
_  
**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!** The silvery blue block rocketed into mid air, trilling its morning call before plummeting to earth upon the bed, which appeared to be covered with a large quantity of black and grey fur, complete with claws, a shiny black nose and a pair of ears. It didn't even flinch when the alarm clock unceremoniously dumped itself upon the fur.

"Mrrrahhhhgggggsgg..." An unearthly sound issued from below the fur mass. "Crypt, get off me, you're squishing my head." A pale hand extricated itself from the surrounding bed spread and flicked the creature hard squarely on the snout. Two beady eyes snapped open and the next second, a large wolf erupted from the spot where just before what appeared to be a fur coat had lain. It landed delicately on the floor, claws clicking on the worn flagstones, as it searched for any morsel dropped in some hidden corner.

When it vacated the bed, which was a fine four poster made of deep rich mahogany and draped in red and gold, the wolf uncovered the person below. Tousled black hair framed a sharp face as pale as its owner's hand. Gold-brown eyes flickered open sleepily to reveal them to have slit pupils like a cat. The youth, who, now exposed from being suffocated by a large wolf, was most definitely male, sighed and shook his head at the lupine's foraging antics in its search for something to consume.

"Crypt, left corner, below the window, the owls always drop them there." The wolf eagerly bounded in the direction his finger pointed, immediately unearthing several long dead mice and a mouldy rabbit. The youth shook his head once more before turning to a large cupboard ( labelled "Shoes" in Romanian) and an equally large wardrobe (this one labelled, also in Romanian, "Clothes") to select something to wear.

"Delano? Delano-Noir, get down here RIGHT NOW!" Delano sighed. He hated his name. It meant Night Black or "Black Night" in French. Typical _Mother, spend one week in Paris' underground tombs and spend the rest of your, considerably long, life naming your children after great French vampires._ Still, at least Father wasn't totally obsessed with the French, he hadn't caught what Delano and his oldest sister Kaleo called "Frogslegsitus". _How fortunate indeed_, he mused, straightening his shirt and descending to the kitchen a full five minutes after her call.

The "family", other than the obvious Mother and Father, consisted of Delano, his sisters (eldest first) Kaleo, Medusa, Lacrimosa, Luna and Nissa, his brothers Lucifer, Nyx and Nye (twins) and Regan. The "pets", if that was anything, were Cryptopher, a large wolf imported from deepest Siberia, Ichabod, a black cat with a very human stare, Hael, a rather cheery talking zombie-parrot who could conduct conversation in seven different languages, Bones, a Piranha who was kept in a bullet proof glass tank, and Samael, a seemingly possessed, or at least half crazed, black horse who Lucifer had purchased from a "charming fellow" from some town called Sleepy..... Sleepy......What was it again? Ah, yes, he thought, relishing mind power, Sleepy Hollow.

Big family.

Their parents, the Count of East Romania and his Countess, had bought Batwing Castle (previously with the unpronounceable name of Svetahkldjehdn) just after a swarm of builders and architects had renovated it. Really, a four hundred century old castle with a wide screen TV, computers in every bedroom, swanky mirrors in the kitchen and a Jacuzzi in the loft. But they all had agreed they _liked_ modern. When I move out of here, thought Delano to himself (it was quite a long walk to the kitchen, five floors below), I'm going to change my name to Tom, meet up with Kitty and tour Australia. This thought merited a grin to no one in particular, but it pleased him all the same to know some day he could do that.

Kitty was another thing. She definitely wasn't human. Nor was she vampire. Shape shifter. He had met Kitty in Taiwan, each of them on a "school trip". The reality of boarding school trips was that the teachers could get rid of them for a bit, so they could try to tidy up the place before prospective pupils came to look in. Kitty wasn't like other girl. She was beautiful, kind, fun, athletic, mischive-

A sound which was a mixture between a squawk, a hiss and a banshee screech wrenched the last thought out of Delano's head and bringing sharply back to reality, only to find he had sacrificed his loafers to impending doom by treading on Salem's tail, thus bringing on a wrath equal to that of a pack of sharks hell bent on world destruction. Delano stepped out of the shoes and continued into the kitchen, leaving the already much torn loafers to the mercy of Ichabod's claws.

Seated at a modern, metal legged, glass topped table was a young woman, curly black hair erupting over her shoulders like a waterfall when the ice melts, absent-mindedly sloshing the remnants of cereal and milk about her bowl. Her other hand twirled a small braid made from a few strands at the front of her ebony locks. She looked up as Delano slid into one of the chairs dotted around the table and reached forward for some toast, held in an ornamental toast rack shaped like bats and accompanied with several CDs emblazoned somewhat proudly with the words "Hell Raisers". Delano caught her expression and rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Two months I've had those loafers, and NOW he decides they are scheduled for termination," he told her. "Typical Ichabod. You should teach him to eat food, not my best shoes, Kaleo!" Kaleo laughed. It was a high, musical laugh, like a nightingale singing, except prettier.

"Me? He's Laci's cat. SHE should."

"You look after the creature for her, she's always mooning over that boy from the village." He pulled a face, then, in an imitation of Lacrimosa, "Oh, Alexander this, Alexander that, Alexander is so caring, responsible, friendly, funny, intuitive, loyal, yadda yadda..." Kaleo snorted and nearly fell head first into her bowl of milk, shaking with laughter as Delano jumped to the floor, and cavorted around the kitchen, fluffing an imaginary skirt and speaking in a prissy little voice, batting his eyelids-

"Shush!" Kaleo held up a hand. There was immediate silence as footsteps descended from the outside staircase into the kitchen. Mother.

The scene changed at once. Delano whirled round to the fridge and opened it to grab butter from the thirteen different kinds that adorned the inside of the door. Meanwhile Kaleo refilled her bowl quickly, spilling some of the milk in her haste to fill it before the figure from beyond the door entered.

"Delano-Noir, where have you been?! I have been calling you to the study for twenty minutes!" She looked flustered, and Delano guiltily slid Father's supply of Red Canyon cheese back into the fridge, closing it behind him.

"Ah-heh, I've been here all this time, Mother." He glanced pleadingly at Kaleo. She caught his eye and nodded her head vigorously to confirm.

"Yes, Mother, we were just about to finish our second - ah – course. Yes, err, most definitely." Their faces portrayed nothing else but the deepest innocence. Finally, she gave in.

"Humph, well, finish that toast and get to the study as soon as possible!" she snapped, turned on her heel and exited back up the stairs. Silence reigned for a few minutes, before Lucifer emerged from the back kitchen with a newspaper and a pot of coffee, black and white streaked hair flopping over his face in what probably equated to an emo fringe.

"Coffee, anyone?" he asked casually, not at all aware of the scene he would have walked into if he had entered a few moments earlier. Both Delano and Kaleo stood there for a few moments, frozen. It was Nissa who broke the silence by putting her head round the down, amber eyes narrowing slightly before spotting the coffee. She was, as luck would have it, holding an empty coffee mug and waved it in the air with a half starved expression on her narrow face.

"Ah, coffee, good, Luce. I'll have a full mug, no milk, six sugars."


End file.
